Back to Work

This week was a landmark for me.  I went back to work.  Yes, me, cancer free, in remission but still shaky and a tad worried about life, the universe and everything, went back to work. The experience wasn't pleasant and I am still quite upset about it but I went back to work.  The welcome mat wasn't at the door, 'my' desk had been given to the newest person in the office and contents of 'my' desk had been unceremoniously dumped on my new desk, together with the last nine months of accumulated general dross.  I had been listed on the location board as a 'visitor' and a restructure is underway and guess what - I don't think my job will exist after July!  Oh and I've been taken off the payroll and I'll be paid by cheque!  What fun.

I'm feeling quite p****d off about it but having asked if I should write my hours for next week on the location board in the visitor section, and presented the pile of accumulated dross to my boss to sort out because 'I don't want to throw away anything that might be important and then having the audacity to ask what my role now is; there were one or two embarrassed glances and awkward silences there was something muttered about not wanting to stress me out and they weren't at all sure I'd even show up!  And we'll have a meeting with you soon to discuss what it is you'll be doing.  Hello, I've got a job description and contract and as far as I'm aware I didn't have my brain removed at the same time as my tumour (although us chemo brains do sometimes question this fact).  I just want my job, as it was when I went on sick leave - obviously with some catch up time and support, but my ability to do my job is, hopefully, as good as nine months ago.

Rant, rant and rage.

I'm not in again until Tuesday of next week by which time I'll have calmed down and thought about a strategy to deal with it all.

So much for welcome back it's good to see you!

Catch Up Time

As I said you'd have to forgive me if this blog doesn't get updated regularly!    I've had a bad couple of weeks, too much sitting on the pity pot instead of getting on with it.  It all goes back to the three monthly check which is looming large on the horizon.  Must try to find a better way of dealing with this.

But .. I went to superb flower arranging demonstration presented by a very talented and funny lady called Sandy.  She created a sort of driftwood/ sea type display which I won when one of my raffle tickets was drawn. How wonderful was that.  I think it's about time I enrolled at flower arranging because I'm so jealous of people who can create such wonderful things.

My son and eldest child hit his 18th year last week and we've had some fun, meals out, worrying about him going to town and nightclubbing for the first time, rolling in at 3.47 and 28 seconds!  Not that I was clock watching you understand.  It amuses me no end that my kids are so surprised when we tell them of our clubbing days or should that be nights.  It's so shocking that mum and dad ever had any fun and dare I say got drunk!!!  And that's only the half of it - if only they knew.  Now I'm getting everything together for his family party which we're having on  bank holiday Sunday.  This will allow for all those who have some distance to travel, plenty of  time to get back for work on Tuesday. We're hoping for a warm, dry day so that my beloved can do his thing with the barbecue.  I've got to make a cake for him - not a fruit cake but a chocolate cake with lots of sweets on top the sort he had when he as about 5!  That's nice and easy for me though unless I have a better idea in between.

We went for a great walk on Sunday afternoon - along the canal and back through the woods; carpeted with glorious bluebells and the stench - sorry - fragrance of wild garlic.  We even saw swallows - the first of  the year and this lifted my spirits.  Fred the springer went for his first swim in the canal after getting in a bit of a tizz about the ducks who dared sit on the tow path.  His face was a picture when he eventually found right way up and discovered he could swim.  Unfortunately I didn't have the camera because my beloved got a good old soaking as he pulled said Fred out of said canal.  Oh what fun we had....  Here's Fred, clean, dry and back on Terra firma! I can't believe how much he's grown over the last couple of months but I think he is rather splendid.

I promised a photo of the windmill palm in my older posts (I've done so many now!)  Here it is:

and it is a magnificent specimen.  Just hope it's as hardy as they say but I'll have to wrap it up warm in the winter just in case.  I'm pleased to say that a lot of the plants I was worried about, are now showing signs of life which is a relief.  The garden is beginning to look good again, all the work my beloved has done recently is giving me so much pleasure.

I did plant my potatoes and am remembering to water them - perhaps I'll try some radish too.

I found out last week that one of my daughters has to have surgery to correct a curvature of the spine.  It's a big op about five hours in surgery, followed by a couple of days in the high dependency unit and then six weeks off school.  She's really okay about it but I'm feeling quite worried.  It will probably be in the next 4 - 9 months so I've time to get used to the idea.  We've also got to decide a cut off time because she has GCSEs in 2010/2011 and can't afford to miss these!

I'm also going back to work on a staggered basis - starting tomorrow and this is making me so anxious that I'm keeping myself manically busy today to keep my mind off it. I've got to get back on the bike, so hard hat in place, stabilisers at the ready off I go.

Off to clean the oven....

Holidays

Well, the Easter break is over and we spent a great week in Holland.  The weather was kind to us and as we had decided to go by car and ferry, the travel disruption didn't affect us.

We stayed in Wassenaar, close to lovely sandy beaches, a great swimming pool/outdoor assault course and a mini theme park with some not so mini rides!  We visited Amsterdam and spent a morning looking around the Van Gough Museum which was fascinating, seeing some very famous paintings and indulging a bit of culture.  The afternoon was a little more entertaining with a little tour of the red light district - quite enlightening - and a good look around some of the markets. We also visited the Hague - not a very large town but very interesting with lovely chiming bells that ring out for 15 minutes at 12noon - well worth the visit.  And we also paid homage to the brave men who fought at Arnhem - very moving and a good reminded that so many lives were given to protect our way of life.

Now I've caught up with the washing and housework (yawn yawn) I am enjoying the sunny afternoon.  Fred the springer spaniel puppy - has grown so much over the last couple of weeks and is beginning to display some of the delightful, funny traits of this breed.  He is so pleased to be here, alive and full of life he has the ability to make me smile and leave behind the shadow of cancer that sometimes follows me wherever I go!  One of his favourite tricks is to chase around the garden, zigzagging from side to side, suddenly stop and look quite surprised that we should be laughing at him.  We have a garden pond where he likes to fish out the weed and eat the late frogspawn - yum yum - and no amount of saying NO does any good - like a naughty toddler he goes back time and time again.

Going away was a good thing to do - a return to doing normal things like a normal family.  Enjoying new things in a new country and feeling that I wasn't spoiling the party for anyone.  Last July I honestly thought I'd never enjoy anything every again - I'm so pleased I was wrong.  Letting cancer continue to reek havoc and rule my life is not an option.  It may be a shadow that follows me around but it's not going to block out all the sunshine.

So now onto the next thing - my son's 18th Birthday celebrations.  Hummm how do I keep 30 17/18 year olds happy, not too drunk and myself sane?  Watch this space.